Aeris's Choice
by sanctum-c
Summary: Aeris has no plans to be a mother any time soon.


The first time Aeris skipped her period it was less of a surprise and more of an annoyance. She chalked it up to experience since the situation could have only resulted from one specific night – a spur of the moment and very passionate clinch – on what should have been a safe day. Aeris worked it through in her head and shrugged. So Mom's stark warnings, various soap opera assertions, and even the warnings on packets of contraceptives were correct; too risky to allow intimate contact without some form of protection. Aeris headed for the doctor without another thought for a swift resolution to her situation. She had no plans to see the potential father ever again, nor did she feel her decision affected him in the slightest.

Prophylactic breakage - when it occurred months later - was frustrating but not wholly unexpected. As effective (percentage-wise) as condoms were, there was always the tiny percentage of tearing. Her partner of the night looked confused by the torn condom, worried by Aeris's insistence on leaving to seek out the morning after pill as fast as possible. Since this was the second of such trips to the doctor she earned herself a brief lecture on contraceptive use; something she was well aware of. The doctor also suggested how she might cover those last few percent for better protection. Aeris went home with a handful of free condoms and a prescription for the Pill. Tempting to now let that take care of matters and leave the prophylactics out of it.

The next time she missed her period a year later, Aeris convinced herself it was simple bad luck. There was of course a miniscule percentage risk with the Pill on its own, as small as it was. Belt and braces then; Pill and prophylactics. Better safe than sorry. The fourth time the distant aftermath of sex required a visit to the doctor's six months later, the situation seemed absurd. Another split condom. And despite both the Pill and new calculated safe day, her period was far too late for comfort and left her in a situation she refused to accept. The trip to the surgery earned a new lecture; taking the Pill every-day as directed (she had been), the correct way to use condoms (she was well practiced by now). Her off-hand suggestion of a permanent solution shot down without pause. Too young the doctor insisted; instead he suggested a slight change to her love-making. A little distasteful in her mind; much too close to the denouement of porn films.

On her way home the notion of perhaps giving up on men as the best solution occurred - that or finding another decent doctor in the slums. The latter proved near impossible leaving her with the former. Women only should do the trick then, and there was no risk of pregnancy from being with her girlfriends. Yes; swear off men, come off the Pill and stop buying condoms. But still see people; the companionship and tumbles into bed were too good to give up forever.

When her period was late a full year later it defied rational explanation. Almost anyway. There were at least rare medical conditions that could explain her conceiving without male physical contact or artificial insemination (a chilling thought, but no. Shinra could not have descended on her in the night - could they?). Hard to believe it happened to her, but there were few other ways to explain it. Except- She pushed the oft-ignored thought to the back of her head. In any case she could not let this persist. The doctor helped her out but left her alone afterwards; no point in trying to lecture her about contraception any longer.

A period of celibacy then. Frustrating and unwanted, but if it could stop her getting pregnant than she was willing to try. Sometime later she kicked herself; as if celibacy would help given her working theory. But for a while her body behaved as she expected it to, she stayed celibate and stopped worrying for a few years.

Arriving in Gongaga, Aeris realised it had been seven weeks since her last period. At least the exploded Mako reactor muffled the Planet's incessant chatter and gave gave her a short respite. But her period late yet again? She might have entertained a few intriguing notions about both Cloud and Tifa as they travelled together but neither she nor they had made any move; and here she might be pregnant again. There remained the possibility that something else was causing the lateness; a quirk of her body perhaps. Maybe her cycle was more unpredictable than she knew. Aeris remained unconvinced and was not about to risk it.

Circumstances forced a longer delay than normal before she could stop worrying; the longest ever. Gongaga was ill-equipped and run-down and Aeris waited until they arrived in Cosmo Canyon a further week later to seek out someone who could help this time. The doctor there did not lecture her like the one in Midgar. She was also amenable to the idea of rendering her incapable of childbirth, but cautioned Aeris on the resulting recovery time after the operation. It would force either Aeris or Avalanche to delay a significant time or else slow down; Cloud conversely was anxious to press on as soon as they were able. Enough to leave her behind? Too risky. If only her old doctor had done as she asked all those years ago- Not to worry; her new doctor prescribed her a batch of herbal tea. An older form of contraception, and based on recent research, far more effective. Aeris asked for the plant species to ensure she could get more as needed.

The tea might do what everything else could not. Something did at least feel different after imbibing, though it would be quite some time until she knew if it was working. "And I'll stop taking it if I ever do feel ready," Aeris muttered as she strode through the stifling heat of the Sleeping Forest. "If." The Planet was quieter than it had been since it dragged her from her bed in Gongaga and pushed her to head North, the previous loud mass of voices reduced to the edge of her hearing at the moment. "Because this is all your doing, isn't it?"

The Planet did not respond.

"I'm right, aren't I? You want to get me pregnant so there's twice as many Cetra around. But you don't care about my feelings or respect my decisions about my own body. Do you?"

Still nothing.

Aeris sighed. "I'm doing this, aren't I? But I refuse to be lumbered with a child just because you're nervous."

Her words provoked a cautious swirl of emotion from the Planet; sorrow mixed with an almost apologetic feel. A reminder.

"I know I'm the last, and because of that I'm the one with the duty, but-" She paused and leaned against the nearest tree. "I have things I want to do before even considering a family. And I can't do half of them if you make me into a mother the second I stop paying attention." The forest seemed to be thinning at last and soon she would be back in the open air. Her destination should be near; then she could get whatever it was she needed to do out of the way and get back to Avalanche. "Did you do this to Mom too?" Aeris cocked her head to one side. "Is that why I'm here?"

A negative swirl, though somehow evasive. Her mother's pregnancy might not have been quite as she intended.

"Did I really have a dad?"

Confirmation without qualifiers.

"Thank you for at least telling me." She sighed again. "I do think you should trust my friends more though. The Cetra aren't the only ones who can care for the world; Avalanche care just as much."

A negative.

"They do," Aeris insisted. "So maybe trust them and stop interfering with my uterus."

Probing curiosity.

"No," she snapped. "You cannot expect me to be a mother just because."

Conciliatory.

"Look; I'm tired and I'm not sure why I'm here or what you think I can do. I know you say I have to but- Please stop trying to run my life for me. I don't want you to die or anything, but I also want to live my own life the way I want to." She started walking again. "To be honest, I'm not sure I'd be any good at being a mother, nor do I really want to find out if I'm right."

Another swirl of probing curiosity.

"Stop that. Just knowing that you want it to be like that would make me feel terrible if I did give birth; me the mother to a child who only exists because you say you need her." Aeris tightened her grip around the white materia, avoiding a question: how could she know she would bear a daughter? "I don't want to ever be in that position. Yes, I might change my mind in the future, but you're not even willing to wait that long." She quickened her pace. "Let's just get this over with; then I'm going back to my friends." Aeris strode out of the forest and into the deserted city of her ancestors.


End file.
